


Irrational Fears

by Nyxierose



Series: Octavia Ascendant [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:51:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Octavia has a nightmare and there is explaining to be done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Irrational Fears

In your nightmares, you die beneath the floorboards. The reasons vary - usually it's lack of air, sometimes because your body is simply too weak to survive - but the end is always the same, the world going painfully black. You trained yourself to never react dramatically when you wake from those - used to be you couldn't risk making any noise, so your panic is at least silent - but you still gasp desperately for air, hands exploring the space around you, before your heart rate slows to something close to normal and you can try to sleep again. Even now, aware as you are that you will never again have to be in such small space, your routine remains the same. At least once every couple of days, your nighttime episodes happen, and there is nothing you can do to stop them.

Your eyes open, you reach out, you take fast shallow breaths and remind yourself that all is well. You are nestled in the safest place you have ever been, beside someone who cares a great deal about you. You're not sure 'love' is the right word for his feelings towards you, but it's in the general vicinity at least. He doesn't know about your nightmares, at least you don't think he does, and you don't mean to tell him. You wear your heart on your sleeve, but even for you this would be…

His arms pull you closer and you realize he's awake now, he doesn't tend to do that when not lucid and you're thankful for it but at the same time this isn't exactly ideal timing. "Everything alright?" he asks, breath warm on your skin.

"No." You don't mean to tell him what lurks in your mind and your past, but at the same time you can't exactly _lie_ to the person who's taken responsibility for your continued survival. "Just a little nightmare, I'll be okay soon."

"Thought so."

"You don't need to worry about me. Happens a lot."

"You were _screaming_ , Octavia. I think that's reason to worry."

"I'll be fine, I promise."

"What happens in those dreams?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes. It does. Help me understand you."

Ah, screw it, might as well say what's running through your mind anyways. "Remember when you saved me that one time? How much I hated being confined?"

"I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted…"

"It wasn't because of anything you did," you interject. "Where I was born, up in the sky… they only let people have one child to conserve resources. I was my mother's second. She and my brother, they hid me in a very small space, and I always thought… I thought that was where I was going to die. Down there, under the floor, from lack of air. And I know that's not even possible anymore, but…"

He doesn't say anything for a while, just stays there with his arms comforting around your body. "I didn't know."

"I didn't mean to scare you," and isn't that just the most amusing thing you've ever said considering who you're dating, but it's still so true. "I just thought you should know."

He leans closer and presses his lips to your cheek, calming you. "Thank you."

"I didn'-"

"I appreciate honesty. You have never been anything but open."

"I used to think that was a bad thing."

"It's not, my star. It's glorious."

You let your eyes close, calmer now. You will get through this night, and when you wake, there will be that much more understanding between you and your love. Sometimes it bothers you how comparatively little you know about his past, but Lincoln is private by nature and you will grant him that. If there is anything important for you to know, he'll tell you. Until then, you're fine wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's what you're good at, after all.

"You're safe, my star," he murmurs as you fall asleep again. "You will never be confined again."

 


End file.
